Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Monday, May 2, 2011

The grass is always greener...

I've been struggling the last couple days with feeling as if Aaron is my only friend... don't get me wrong - the guy is AWESOME and I'm more than happy to have him around!  But, being away from America for over 2 years now and the horrible time difference between Asia and home has put a strain on many of the friendships that I've held most dear...  I know people are busy and time passes quickly, but I hate feeling disconnected and forgotten.  

My 30th birthday is in 2 weeks and it feels weird to think about such a momentous birthday being celebrated without friends around.  Aaron really wanted to throw me a big birthday bash, with my favorite COSTCO sheet cake (My 1 request) but the few good friends I have here either didn't respond to his invite or were busy with other plans.  I can't just eat a whole COSTCO cake on my own?  Or could I?! haha)  It just sucks to be quite honest.  I love living here and experiencing a new culture, traveling all the time, saving money, and loving my job... but is that really enough?  I'm starting to realize that maybe it isn't.  But then that leaves me with the questions of "How do I change that?"  

I'm not really too sure to be quite honest.  I guess I just wish things were different and I wasn't out of sight, out of mind living her in Asia.  I'm not begging for affirmation or for anyone to tell me I'm not forgotten because I wrote this.  I just think it feels good sometimes to say how you feel... and right now, this is how I'm feeling.        


  1. I'm sorry you are feeling down! I know your situation is different but I can some what relate. I have moved away from home to a place where I literally knew NO ONE! It wasn't fun and it didn't last long (3mo). But with birthdays and holidays I can imagine it still feeling lonely, even with Aaron. It's good that you have recognized your feelings and can express them.
    p.s. I hope you still have a wonderful birthday and if I could, I would come share your sheet cake with you! ;)

  2. Thank you Cydney... You're such a sweetheart. :)

  3. I would eat cake with you if I were there! Maybe schedule some Skype time with your besties on your birthday? They (we) all love you and I bet seeing them say it on your big day would make you feel it?


  4. Thank you Cassie! I know you would. :) I think scheduling skype time is a great idea! Love you!

  5. Time to delurk? Love your blog. Please keep writing!

    I understand how you feel as I lived abroad and experienced that. Moving home is nice as people make time for you and welcome you first. Then everyone gets busy with the daily grind of life and you find yourself trying to reintegrate at home. Don't misunderstand. Your friends love you tons still but have had to fill the void they experienced when you left which is easier to do in your own home country. Just know you may have to do most of the initiating of getting together when you move back. At least, that's how it was for me.

    What I regret, though, is not learning more of the language of my new country so I could integrate better there. Since you love your life there, why not start some intense Korean language study? It will deepen the friendships you have with your current friends and help you add more. Your old friends will always love you but you may be walking by your new best friend every day without ever giving her a chance! Plus, more friends equals more love and more happiness. Who couldn't use that?

  6. Oh, Jilly! I am very familiar with what you are feeling. Having lived much of my adult life in some strange land, I've had a lot of moments like yours. When I was living in Japan, it got pretty bad at one point.
    And I just turned 30 a couple weeks ago, so I know that feeling too. Even though I am living in New York again, a place I've called home on and off for 4 1/2 years, when it came time to celebrate my birthday I felt a little disconnected myself. I think what it comes down to, is that as we get older, we all have more and more obligations. For my friends here in NY, a lot of them were either performing in shows or out of town when my birthday came. Also, many of my friends as well as all of my family live on the other side of the country.
    What it all comes down to, is that we just have to remember that we are loved by those we know, even if they don't show it exactly when, or in the exact way we would like it shown.
    Ultimately, I ended having a great birthday and am grateful for where I am in life and the things I've done.
    I wish you a very happy birthday month, my dear! I love reading your blog and keeping up with your amazing life! You are an incredible woman, and I'm so grateful you were born almost 30 years ago!!

  7. Kat, thank you for your sweet words and your encouragement! I adore you...

  8. jill, as always i love your honesty and volunerability. i was going through some old pictures the other day from oneplace and found one of you by the tree art piece you did with cloth leaves all fallen off. i love that there were still a few left on the tree and for me those are the things that i hold to...those things that are still clinging to goodness and life. anyways, i love keeping up with your life and adventures through your blog. your in my thoughts often. much love for you!

  9. Jill, you know I know how you are feeling! Or at least I have an idea...I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you being that far away. I'm glad we have our blogs & can at least share life that way. I wish I could do more for you! I hope your birthday ends up being just what you need. What day is your birthday?

  10. Oh Jillers how I think of you daily. I would love to be eating some cake with you via SKYPE on your birthday or at least the week of so like Josie always said it can be a week long celebration :)Love you Sister and miss you tons!